Unpopularity & Extra-Introversion

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who-you-were—well are!

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming populer - lar

~Wicked

Popularity can start from many different places: Sports, talent, money, extroversion, well-known family members, etc. Not to say all popular people fit the stereotypes, but a good majority of the students at my schools certainly stuck close. I could never say I was "popular" throughout my educational career. To avoid bashing, let's just look at myself, and you can decide where I stood. I didn't dress like one of the "populars" with skin-tight jeans and shirts that were two sizes too small. I wore nicer clothes most of the time (collared shirts and the like). I quit soccer after two years of junior varsity because my skills weren't enough to become one of the envied varsity starters. I played piano and sang in the school choir (choir members were toward the bottom of the social chain). I come from a middle-income family. I was and still am more introverted than anything else. Most of the time, being the middle child, I was known as my sisters' younger brother or my younger brother's older brother. I didn't understand the inappropriate slang and innuendos that seemed to come from thin air when high school started. I was a strange kid. I was bullied. Maybe I was bullied for being strange. People found me an easy target to poke fun (that's still the case). I never fought back. I guess pacifism is lame. I might never understand the standards necessary to be popular back in high school and middle school.

Looking back, I'm okay with that.

I was always bothered by how much smaller I felt than these popular students. I wanted to be athletic like them or outgoing like them. I wanted to make a name for myself somewhere in the vicious jungle of secondary education. Unfortunately, sports required more athletic prowess than I was willing to provide, and my extroverted side continues to remain chained up in the recesses of my soul. 

I thought things might turn around if I joined the Speech and Debate team. On the contrary, things remained more or less the same. My participating with this team did not change my social status; however, there was definitely some sort of change. I didn't gain popularity by learning how to memorize and perform a speech in front of others, but I did earn respect from the participants of Speech and Debate. I felt called to this group of people. I gained what some people have called a "quiet confidence." I could speak in front of people and make them laugh. Sure, I was terrified as all heck, but I realized how much I could do as an introvert. Self-help writer, Susan Cain, gave a TED Talk in 2012 about the "power of introverts," and stated how necessary these people are and yet how often they are overlooked by society.  Speech was my outlet for expression. Apart from that, I liked to keep to myself during school. 

Introversion and extroversion examine how people respond to stimulation, notably social stimulation. Exposure to large groups of people for long periods of time is socially exhausting for me. If I've been invited to a group gathering, I'll occasionally say "no" for a number of reasons. Some of these being that I'm binge-watching a show and do not want my viewing interrupted. Other times, I'm sitting comfortable in bed reading a book (or writing this blog). There are also times I simply need to be alone with my thoughts, breathe a bit, and relax. Maybe extroversion was one of those standards if you wanted to be popular. 

Fast-forwarding to college, there was a noticeable difference in the atmosphere. The cliques were gone, and popularity was more difficult to gain. Knowing everyone on campus was impossible, so we were all starting over, in a sense. Much like Speech, I felt a calling to a campus ministry group. I shared their beliefs and opinions, and we all supported each other. I felt I could easily express myself there. No one was really "popular" in this group. I began to understand that "being cool" was never really important. I found myself through Speech and through ministry. I discovered the person I wanted to be and the person I could be. I found my talents on my own without anyone expecting them from me. I didn't need to be popular to know I had to power to give something to the world. I could have social anxiety but still make amazing friends.

Popularity, fame, however you spin it, may sound appealing. Some people just want to be known, but I've learned there is a beauty and power in being silent (or a bit quieter than others). You can be that person behind the scenes who makes the magic happen. Others may never know who you are, but they will wonder. You can be average and extraordinary (I think I might copyright that). So go ahead and flaunt your introversion (or perhaps not, if that makes you uncomfortable).

I'm not trying to encourage you to be a recluse. I just want you to consider the possibility that you can accomplish great feats and make a great life for yourself regardless of whether or not people take notice. If you are content with your actions in your heart and mind, the most important person you are satisfying is yourself.