“Friendship...is born at the moment when
one man says to another "What? You too?”
~C.S. Lewis
I found a letter the other day as I was rummaging through a pile of papers. Curious, I opened it up to find it was a recommendation letter one of my good friends wrote about me for a nomination. I received this letter well over a month ago and had intended to read it, but I was nervous to discover the contents. The paper contained two simple paragraphs, but the words my friend used were far from simple. He mentioned traits such as humbleness and motivation, stating I give "from the heart" and have a "warm approach" toward my friends and even more toward the people to whom I reach out.
I won't mention all the details to make myself seem prideful, but I honestly was not sure what to expect from this letter. Why do some of us worry what the people closest to us may say about us? Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid, which isn't anything new, but sometimes I'm uncertain whether a friend will say things to make me question my own self-perception (not in a bad way). I wouldn't say I have low self esteem, but I know I'm not perfect. I have my flaws, and unfortunately, I happen to see my flaws more than my strengths. When someone says something nice about me, I often do not know how to respond, because I'm so used to keeping myself leveled out. Part of this discomfort could be the idea that we never ask our friends to compliment us. They do this out of the kindness of their hearts. If our friends didn't want to say anything nice, they wouldn't, but some bonds are so powerful and full of meaning that those people are kind enough to remind us that we are important to them.
Some of my friends make me uncomfortable and some of them drive me insane, but I'm thankful for all of them. I realize I discuss friends a great deal in my posts, but the people I've surrounded myself with over the years are the reason why I'm the person writing this blog today. Some "friendships" I have are little more than people I've not spoken to since high school but have remained online friends. I wish some of these friendships could have transcended upon leaving my hometown for college, but maybe we are only meant to know certain people to a certain capacity. We can make the effort to hold on to those friends, but friendship is a two-way street. If a person can't give 50% for us, then maybe we need to reevaluate the value of that relationship. If you're not willing to let go of that person, help him/her/etc. to see why you would work so hard to keep him/her/etc. around.
Sorry, this is supposed to be a lighthearted post. Your closest friends don't have to verbally express how they view you, but regardless, they will appreciate you for your non-material characteristics. They see the good in you and want to be part of that good. Don't require people to compliment you, but be gracious when you do receive a kind remark. Understand that your have so much self worth, even if you tend to capitalize on your flaws more than your strengths. Be grateful for the people around you who take the time to remind you, physically or emotionally, that you are important. Don't be afraid to open that letter. There will always be someone who cares about you.
"I am glad you are here with me.
Here at the end of all things."
~J.R.R. Tolkien
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