Work

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” 

~ Charles Lamb

I went back to work yesterday.

By "back," I mean I got in touch with a previous job that hasn't contacted me in several months to see if the company was in need of any help. Fortunately, I was asked to come in. Unfortunately, the work is only part time and isn't exactly what I planned to do after graduating. My dreams of becoming a voice over artist are currently at a standstill.

However, this does not mean my dreams are dashed. I don't expect to achieve my goals overnight. I need to find a way to work my way up the ladder, and that's what these part time/side jobs are offering me: A chance to move forward.

Growing up, the thought of "work" never appealed to me (my family can attest to that). Mowing the lawn took too much time out of my life, cleaning my room seemed pointless, getting a job when I turned 17 sounded miserable. I wouldn't doubt a good number of people would rather make a living while avoiding doing anything tedious or strenuous. At some point in our lives, we learn to tolerate - and maybe even love - work. Our first paycheck marks the milestone where we first begin to understand responsibility. From that moment, we decide to continue working because we realize we don't just need the money, we need the discipline of work. The more I worked a job, the more I respected the chores I was required to perform at home. When I went to university, being "on my own" meant I had to learn to cook for myself, clean up after myself, and care for myself. I would come home to my parents on some weekends and voluntarily wash the dishes. I don't love washing dishes, but I understand the necessity of the task. I don't love doing odd jobs or busy work, but discipline of work suggests I do these because I am driving toward something greater.

Nearly everyone starts from the bottom at an entry-level job. Months and years of work accumulate experience, and different jobs compile different experiences. My resume might suggest I have a variety of experiences but not enough of a particular knowledge. My desire to step into the broadcasting industry requires a specific set of skills I am still working to strengthen. Working a part time job gives me the chance to use my down time to continue to strengthen the aforementioned skills. I spend my extra time hosting a 2-hour radio show and DJ-ing for wedding receptions and parties. There is very little payout, but I'm learning the material at a decent pace. I constantly remind myself of what I want to do, and that drives me to do my current job.

Of course, my current job and dream job are not too similar, but I have seen opportunities strike at unexpected moments. When I worked for this company last year, I was presented an opportunity to work for a day on a movie set. Film is about half of what I want to do, and I gained a decent idea of the industry from that one day. Now that I've graduated, I have a chance to try a number of different work options and more fully commit to my goals.

My point is that you don't have to love the job you're doing. If you've made it as far as you want to go on your career path and love where you are, I'm glad to hear it. If you don't love your job or you strive to go further, let those thoughts motivate you to reach the top rung of the ladder. You can make a difference in your current position and still hope to be something more. By this stage of your life, I hope you understand the value of work and why every person needs the discipline. We are not only working for wages; we are working to better ourselves.

“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Letter For a Friend

“Friendship...is born at the moment when 

one man says to another "What? You too?” 

~C.S. Lewis

I found a letter the other day as I was rummaging through a pile of papers. Curious, I opened it up to find it was a recommendation letter one of my good friends wrote about me for a nomination. I received this letter well over a month ago and had intended to read it, but I was nervous to discover the contents. The paper contained two simple paragraphs, but the words my friend used were far from simple. He mentioned traits such as humbleness and motivation, stating I give "from the heart" and have a "warm approach" toward my friends and even more toward the people to whom I reach out.

I won't mention all the details to make myself seem prideful, but I honestly was not sure what to expect from this letter. Why do some of us worry what the people closest to us may say about us? Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid, which isn't anything new, but sometimes I'm uncertain whether a friend will say things to make me question my own self-perception (not in a bad way). I wouldn't say I have low self esteem, but I know I'm not perfect. I have my flaws, and unfortunately, I happen to see my flaws more than my strengths. When someone says something nice about me, I often do not know how to respond, because I'm so used to keeping myself leveled out. Part of this discomfort could be the idea that we never ask our friends to compliment us. They do this out of the kindness of their hearts. If our friends didn't want to say anything nice, they wouldn't, but some bonds are so powerful and full of meaning that those people are kind enough to remind us that we are important to them.

Some of my friends make me uncomfortable and some of them drive me insane, but I'm thankful for all of them. I realize I discuss friends a great deal in my posts, but the people I've surrounded myself with over the years are the reason why I'm the person writing this blog today. Some "friendships" I have are little more than people I've not spoken to since high school but have remained online friends. I wish some of these friendships could have transcended upon leaving my hometown for college, but maybe we are only meant to know certain people to a certain capacity. We can make the effort to hold on to those friends, but friendship is a two-way street. If a person can't give 50% for us, then maybe we need to reevaluate the value of that relationship. If you're not willing to let go of that person, help him/her/etc. to see why you would work so hard to keep him/her/etc. around. 

Sorry, this is supposed to be a lighthearted post. Your closest friends don't have to verbally express how they view you, but regardless, they will appreciate you for your non-material characteristics. They see the good in you and want to be part of that good. Don't require people to compliment you, but be gracious when you do receive a kind remark. Understand that your have so much self worth, even if you tend to capitalize on your flaws more than your strengths. Be grateful for the people around you who take the time to remind you, physically or emotionally, that you are important. Don't be afraid to open that letter. There will always be someone who cares about you.

"I am glad you are here with me. 

Here at the end of all things."

~J.R.R. Tolkien

In Light Of...

"No news is good news."

~English proverb

I'm not one for the news. I'll openly admit that about 85% of my television viewing time is spent watching cartoons and crime dramas. I also consider myself a moderate in terms of political affiliation, which helps me to avoid heated debates both online and in person. Therefore, since I'm not well-versed in current events, I would not be surprised if this post draws some flack for my lack of knowledge. Here goes...

In the past week, the entertainment world lost an amazing talent, and the worst shooting in U.S. history occurred. For some reason, many people seem to think these events require much argument regarding the laws currently in place. "Let's ban [insert object we possess rights to here]. We would have fewer tragedies if the government were smarter and more responsible." Some seem to believe the government is at fault for these events, as if officials could have predicted Orlando. Others seem to think this is a matter of individuals and their state of mind. When something bad happens, the world almost immediately turns to the media to complain and place the blame on someone else in addition to the person directly responsible. What happened to simply coming together, despite our differences, and mourning the loss of the people who were taken too soon from the world? I'm not saying we don't do that, but I am saying we don't do that enough. I was fortunate enough to have been involved in a group during college which often encouraged students to understand the severity of such situations and find a way to bond with groups of other faiths and cultures. The fact most of our world cannot seem to cooperate unless disaster strikes is terrifying. Even then, a large number rush to phones and computers to express outrage and hatred. 

People can be so quick to judge a certain group because finding fault is a faster way to find closure and be put at ease. Are we 100% certain these attacks would not have happened if the government banned firearms? Personally, I believe if someone is motivated enough and fully committed to an idea, he/she/etc. will do anything to prove a point, even if that point involves committing a crime. Laws can keep being added or changed, but lawbreakers will always exist. As much as it pains me to say it, laws were meant to be broken. Not to imply we should all go out and rob a bank, but the temptation to violate laws will continue to linger for some people. We cannot totally prepare for events we cannot predict. 

I do not want my kids growing up in a world where we respond to an act of violence with more violence. I want my children to live in a world where we celebrate differences across nations. Obviously, violence will never cease, but the way people act in light of violence could evolve to a more dignified type of response. If people share their opinions with the public without all of the necessary information, it's easy to educate them in an aggressive and arrogant manner, but there is a way to assist people and avoid being rude. From the comments I've read, people have suggested Orlando was a terror attack, not a mass shooting. Why not both? Is the type of gun entirely relevant? I don't know. Most firearms are lethal. Was this an attack specifically to send a message to the LGBTQ community? Everyone has an opinion on these questions. We need to learn to educate ourselves and others while also being sensitive to differences. We cannot change race, religion, or sexuality. We were not born to be the same as every other person. 

Some groups have tried forcing their beliefs and practices on others, as if we need more conformity. I have a fairly diverse group of friends, and I am proud of the relationships I have made. I only share my culture and religion if someone is genuinely curious. Unfortunately, some people like to judge others in order to seem superior. We all must realize the beauty in diversity. Some do not realize that many of our practices today were inspired by outside cultures. Maybe when we learn to appreciate various lifestyles, we can come to at least tolerate a world filled with new and contrasting ideas. There are countless gifts on Earth that are worth acknowledging and celebrating. Let's not tear each other down in times of grief. Let's encourage each other during times of joy, sorrow, anger, and fear and learn to trust.

"Even darkness must pass.

A new day will come.

And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer...

There’s some good in this world,...And it’s worth fighting for."

~J.R.R. Tolkien

Unpopularity & Extra-Introversion

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who-you-were—well are!

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming populer - lar

~Wicked

Popularity can start from many different places: Sports, talent, money, extroversion, well-known family members, etc. Not to say all popular people fit the stereotypes, but a good majority of the students at my schools certainly stuck close. I could never say I was "popular" throughout my educational career. To avoid bashing, let's just look at myself, and you can decide where I stood. I didn't dress like one of the "populars" with skin-tight jeans and shirts that were two sizes too small. I wore nicer clothes most of the time (collared shirts and the like). I quit soccer after two years of junior varsity because my skills weren't enough to become one of the envied varsity starters. I played piano and sang in the school choir (choir members were toward the bottom of the social chain). I come from a middle-income family. I was and still am more introverted than anything else. Most of the time, being the middle child, I was known as my sisters' younger brother or my younger brother's older brother. I didn't understand the inappropriate slang and innuendos that seemed to come from thin air when high school started. I was a strange kid. I was bullied. Maybe I was bullied for being strange. People found me an easy target to poke fun (that's still the case). I never fought back. I guess pacifism is lame. I might never understand the standards necessary to be popular back in high school and middle school.

Looking back, I'm okay with that.

I was always bothered by how much smaller I felt than these popular students. I wanted to be athletic like them or outgoing like them. I wanted to make a name for myself somewhere in the vicious jungle of secondary education. Unfortunately, sports required more athletic prowess than I was willing to provide, and my extroverted side continues to remain chained up in the recesses of my soul. 

I thought things might turn around if I joined the Speech and Debate team. On the contrary, things remained more or less the same. My participating with this team did not change my social status; however, there was definitely some sort of change. I didn't gain popularity by learning how to memorize and perform a speech in front of others, but I did earn respect from the participants of Speech and Debate. I felt called to this group of people. I gained what some people have called a "quiet confidence." I could speak in front of people and make them laugh. Sure, I was terrified as all heck, but I realized how much I could do as an introvert. Self-help writer, Susan Cain, gave a TED Talk in 2012 about the "power of introverts," and stated how necessary these people are and yet how often they are overlooked by society.  Speech was my outlet for expression. Apart from that, I liked to keep to myself during school. 

Introversion and extroversion examine how people respond to stimulation, notably social stimulation. Exposure to large groups of people for long periods of time is socially exhausting for me. If I've been invited to a group gathering, I'll occasionally say "no" for a number of reasons. Some of these being that I'm binge-watching a show and do not want my viewing interrupted. Other times, I'm sitting comfortable in bed reading a book (or writing this blog). There are also times I simply need to be alone with my thoughts, breathe a bit, and relax. Maybe extroversion was one of those standards if you wanted to be popular. 

Fast-forwarding to college, there was a noticeable difference in the atmosphere. The cliques were gone, and popularity was more difficult to gain. Knowing everyone on campus was impossible, so we were all starting over, in a sense. Much like Speech, I felt a calling to a campus ministry group. I shared their beliefs and opinions, and we all supported each other. I felt I could easily express myself there. No one was really "popular" in this group. I began to understand that "being cool" was never really important. I found myself through Speech and through ministry. I discovered the person I wanted to be and the person I could be. I found my talents on my own without anyone expecting them from me. I didn't need to be popular to know I had to power to give something to the world. I could have social anxiety but still make amazing friends.

Popularity, fame, however you spin it, may sound appealing. Some people just want to be known, but I've learned there is a beauty and power in being silent (or a bit quieter than others). You can be that person behind the scenes who makes the magic happen. Others may never know who you are, but they will wonder. You can be average and extraordinary (I think I might copyright that). So go ahead and flaunt your introversion (or perhaps not, if that makes you uncomfortable).

I'm not trying to encourage you to be a recluse. I just want you to consider the possibility that you can accomplish great feats and make a great life for yourself regardless of whether or not people take notice. If you are content with your actions in your heart and mind, the most important person you are satisfying is yourself. 

Growing Down

I had a split-second urge to run around in a rainstorm...

But I didn't...

While this urge lasted for a very short moment, I was still compelled to think about why I had that urge. Am I in need of some fresh air and exercise? Probably. Could a piece of my childhood still be trying to push through the depths of my mind and body? I don't know. To think that a twenty-some year old like me is losing touch with my childhood is not entirely surprising to many people, but why shouldn't this be surprising? Everyone born into existence has a childhood, no matter how short. Some of us remember events more clearly than others, and most of us label childhood as the time from when we are born to around 16 or 18 years, when we begin to gain more responsibilities. At that point, we reminisce with our friends about our childhood memories, as if our childhood is over.

Sure, I'm certainly not a "kid" anymore. A few more years, and my brain will be fully developed. However, there's a part of me that does not want to let go of the (albeit few) emotions I felt as a kid. I was innocent, ignorant, and imaginative. In some ways, I'm still all three of those i-words. In other ways, I'm more intelligent and involved in the world around me. I understand the worth of non-material possessions, and I know how to love and care about people and ideas. I value everything I have learned since I was young, but I don't want to stop feeling young.

Does that make sense, or do I sound like I'm having a quarter-life crisis? I like to tell myself that, despite the inevitability of growing up (at least until cryogenics is perfected), I don't have to let go of all the elements from my adolescent years. If you know me, you may notice I watch more cartoons than any other kind of TV show. I speak in funny voices around my friends. I like to reread children's novels. I drink Juicy Juice and eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast. I'm not a "kid" anymore, but I certainly do a lot of "kid" things. Maybe I'm reminded of the simplicity of all those aspects of my life back then. I could relate to certain cartoons (and I don't mean I've ever lived in a pineapple under the sea). I could be imaginative while reading The Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter. Life did not make much sense, but I embraced my ignorance and allowed everything to play out.

Why do we hit a certain age and suddenly decide that enough is enough, that we need to grow up and enjoy the world around us less? Of course, our bodies may not be as nimble as they once were, but why should we stop doing other things that we considered "fun?" We may not have as much time on our hands if we have jobs and start families, but doesn't everyone have an opportunity once in a while to do something fun?  We're growing up too fast, and while we occasionally take the time to appreciate the memories, we conclude that we must mature. I'm mature for my age (in my humble opinion), but I can revert on a dime. I hope people know that acting goofy every once in a while and running around in the rain is not only fun, but they can bring out a part that lay dormant within us. They can allow us to return, even briefly, to a moment free of worldly stresses and a need to be serious. A wise doctor once said, "There's no point in being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."