Phobophobia

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't.”

~Lemony Snicket

I'm afraid of spiders and centipedes.

I'm afraid of falling from high heights.

I'm afraid of failing to achieve my biggest goals.

We all have fears. Fears make us human. However, fears also make us vulnerable. That could either be good or bad. The positive side is we might be more willing to open up to people with similar fears. The negative side is we might completely shut ourselves out from others and let our fears control our lives and make us anxious and miserable.

Maybe you're one of those people who acts as though you don't fear anything. For now, I'll say "good for you." I'll also say "I don't believe you," but I'm not looking for a debate. As for me, I've had a number of fears all my life. I was afraid of the dark for the longest time, I developed a fear of heights and airplanes a few years ago, I was afraid of meaningless death (I know, that's dark), and I've been afraid of spiders almost my entire life. Some might argue these fears are irrational, and those people may be right. In addition to these concerns, I have developed more reasonable worries over the past several years, such as whether or not I will find a job, have a place to live, get married, pay off tuition bills in a decent amount of time, and the like. If you're under 16 and reading this, you're probably not dwelling on these too much. If you're over 30 years old, you've probably already gotten over these, but you understand the rationality of my apprehension.

As we get older, our fears become more logical and in-line with those around us. In some cases, people hold on to those illogical fears a bit longer. At first, fear is used as a coping mechanism for what we don't understand. Unfortunately, some people don't grow out of this fear of a lack of knowledge and remain ignorant (not unlike some political figures whose names I won't mention here). They decide to avoid and hate certain peoples and ideas simply because they choose not to understand. This is part of the reason why stereotypes and discrimination exist. I implore you to learn more about what you fear to perhaps grow more tolerant of what scares you. I'm certainly not an exception to this, but I am more than willing to educate myself and others if that could lead to an increase of respect among everyone.

Some of our fears act like a plague, affecting our health and self-esteem and having a negative impact on our day-to-day interactions. I mentioned I once had a fear of a meaningless death. Sometimes this fear would just pop up out of nowhere (like those eye floaters), and other times, it would be brought on by something I read or watched. I was scared to think that all life is so short, and some people may never get to do everything they dreamed of doing before their sand ran down. I couldn't imagine leaving the people I loved or them leaving me. Often, I would always assume I was dying when I would get more sick than usual. I once convinced myself I had appendicitis (I didn't). All of these unnecessary thoughts would cloud my mind, and I often became anxious and worried.

I know, this is starting to sound a bit depressing. I'm not certain when these thoughts were finally dissipated. When I think about them now, I'm reminded how ignorant I was being. I realize the importance of living every day to the fullest and other cliches like that. In all seriousness, there are worse things happening in the world that need my attention, and I can't waste my time worrying only about myself. Sure, I'm not going to be around forever, but I should appreciate this opportunity of life and do something important out of the time I have left, however long. Our fears are minuscule compared to the issues occurring every day that we don't know about. We may deny it, but we have the time to enlighten ourselves and others on ideas we don't understand. We can learn more about why we fear what we fear and strengthen our minds and hearts, and maybe grow less afraid.

I don't know if I will ever stop being afraid of spiders and centipedes or falling, but my life won't falter from these fears. I also won't allow my fear of failing at my goals to control me. I guess my plan is to continue my life in a way that works for me and see where that takes me. Maybe I'll help a person or two along the way to see the bigger picture and lead them to discover that fear is not physical and cannot and should not dominate us.

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” 

~ J.K. Rowling

Pants On Fire

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” 

~George Washington

I am a compulsive liar.

And so is the rest of the world.

Let me explain.

Remember when you first learned about the origin of Thanksgiving in elementary/primary school? We were taught about a peaceful encounter between some of the first colonists and natives that led to prosperity on both sides and a large, bountiful meal for all...Not much later than high school did we learn of the brutality of Europeans to Native Americans (and vice versa) and the so-called "feast" that supposedly never happened. Maybe you, yourself, have wondered why you were led astray as a child to believe our ancestors got along just fine and happily broke bread together.

We were taught John Hancock signed his name noticeable larger on the Declaration of Independence to make a statement, per se, and scoff King George. In reality, he signed first because he was the president of Congress and perhaps did not know how large he needed to sign the document. As kids, we were amused at Hancock's apparent audacity, which may not have existed at all.

Even in our daily lives, we heard "bread crust will make you stronger," "don't make that face or it will stick like that forever," and "too much TV will damage your eyesight." Why are we told these lies? Why do we continue to tell them to the generations after ours? 

A person could convince his/herself of a lie if he/she tried hard enough. Adults may come to believe these myths because they heard the same things growing up. Passing down these myths has created a replacement to fact.

Shame on you! Weren't you taught to never lie? Even George Washington knew that.

Okay, calm down. I didn't mean to make you upset. Maybe there is a reason for the ancient myths and spontaneous fibs. Personally, I believe lying isn't as bad as we all make it out to be. 

Hear me out. If your child told you he/she/etc. wanted to be President when they grew up, you would most likely tell them "you can be anything you want," even when the odds are extremely slim. You tell your kids this because it gives them hope and confidence. We stretch the truth to save people from disappointment. There is a possibility that one of them may become President on day. We cherish those moments when we can make someone else feel good, even if we do not reveal the entire truth. As people age, they learn in their own way how honesty is not, in certain cases, the best policy. People figure things out with their growing sense of logic and beliefs. Eventually, they end up making the same decisions as the generation before them because they realize how important it is for kids to find their own answers. Of course, there are certain lies that could harm, but in those situations, the best scenario is to treat the issue with sensitivity.

I'm not telling you lying is okay sometimes. Holding back part of the truth can spare negative emotions, but honest is still the best policy (let's say 85% of the time). Think about the way you deliver a message to a person. Consider how the information will affect them. Brutal honesty is almost never necessary and neither is a full-blown fabrication. I appreciate my parents telling me the stories I can remember from my childhood because they gave me something I could use as an explanation for what I could not understand until I could make sense of those stories on my own. They spared me from believing the world is so full of fear and negativity until I had the courage to face everything by myself. 

Lies are also told when we, ourselves, do not have all the answers. we make what we believe to be better accounts to replace historical inaccuracies. We mean to make the history of our world seem exciting and inspiring. I'll leave the ethics of these lies to professionals.

Again, I'm not telling you to lie, but the odds are, you already have...numerous times. We're only human. We can't help ourselves. Just keep in mind that maybe not all lies are bad. We keep people's best interests in mind when we hold back the whole truth, and we seek to protect those people. When your partner asks if those jeans make his/her/etc. bottom look noticeably larger, let them know how much he/she/etc. means to you.

"Mothers lie. It's in the job description."

― John Green