A Sling and a Stone

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” 

~Michael J. Fox

The first time I can remember was the first day of first grade. All of the students in my class sat in alphabetical order for lunch. I was excited because I had my brand new Toy Story 2 lunch box packed by my mom. The boy who sat next to me took one look at it and called me a girl, adding it was because I had a "girly" lunchbox. I didn't know how to react. In my short life at the time, I had never come across a bully. I was never taught how to respond or confront one. That's not usually something a kid learns about until he/she/etc. has the experience, firsthand. After that day, I came across a handful of different kinds of bullies, all the way through college. Some physically intimidating and some verbal. One boy tried picking a fight with me in seventh grade when I accidentally bumped into him while playing basketball. A group of people picked on me in junior high because of a girl I liked. Some of my classmates knew I had siblings, and decided to make my family targets of ridicule. All of these instances, and more, hit home for me. Maybe you've had similar experiences.

Some of you reading this may not consider yourself religious, but I would be surprised if you have never at least heard the mention of the story of David and Goliath. To sum up the passage, Goliath was a giant warrior (over nine feet tall) of the Philistine army who would constantly mock the Israelite army and challenge them to fight him. Everyone was terrified of Goliath, except for a teenager named David, who took down Goliath with only a sling, a single stone, and his faith. The other Israelites saw Goliath physically as a horrible monster, but David saw him as mortal and a bully. Looking back, I wish I could have been like David, who was strong and brave in heart. Of course, I'm not looking to kill anyone, but a lesson can be learned from the story.

We hear news stories occasionally about people intimidated by bullies, both online and in real life. Unfortunately, some of the victims take their own lives because they have come to the conclusion that death is an easier way to cope with the torment they endure on a weekly basis. Bullies will cause physical pain to a person or cause someone to question his/her.etc. self worth to instill fear and establish superiority. Many people are made to believe that bullies are fearless and have no weaknesses. As David discovered with Goliath, every person, regardless of size or confidence, has a weakness.

I don't mean to call out current/former bullies who might happen to be reading this. I know a few people from my past bullying experiences who have since abandoned antagonizing others and begun to understand the effect those negative actions can present. Some are quick to argue that people are incapable of change, and there were times I would have agreed. However, I have gained respect for a few recently whom I never would have tolerated years ago. Down the road, I think people start to realize intimidation does not impress or have any long-term advantages. This could explain the lack of bullies in college. While a number still exist, they don't have as much of a foundation with such a large and spread-out community.

I wouldn't be the best person to provide advice on how to deal with a bully, having quite a bit of trouble myself, but I can tell you what not to do. For one, do NOT ignore the problem. Some people assume if you ignore the bully, he/she/etc. will get bored and give up. False. If anything, this provides a challenge which encourages a bully to work harder. There is nothing wrong with going to someone for help. Most of you have a best friend or family member who cares a lot about you. Others may have a teacher or mentor of some kind. Assuming you are helpless is very dangerous thinking. There is always someone willing to help, and there is always going to be someone who cares. You just need to make the effort to find and confide in that person. "Fighting fire with fire" is not a smart tactic, as bullies tend to have an arsenal of experience. I thought my years of martial arts training as a child were supposed to protect me against bullies, but most of mine were verbal attackers (the most common). Would physically hurting and emotional aggressor make me worse in comparison?

I'm not asking for anyone's pity. I am writing this blog with the hopes of relating with some of you. I don't doubt some of these experiences sound familiar to you, and it's necessary for us to understand how much of an issue bullying is and address similar situations when we recognize them in our lives. Our friends or our children could be facing these problems, and we should to provide guidance to people. We need to help them be more like David, who saw the bully as nothing more than an average person with vulnerabilities as anyone else, and teach victims that help is always available to them.