Unpopularity & Extra-Introversion

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who-you-were—well are!

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming populer - lar

~Wicked

Popularity can start from many different places: Sports, talent, money, extroversion, well-known family members, etc. Not to say all popular people fit the stereotypes, but a good majority of the students at my schools certainly stuck close. I could never say I was "popular" throughout my educational career. To avoid bashing, let's just look at myself, and you can decide where I stood. I didn't dress like one of the "populars" with skin-tight jeans and shirts that were two sizes too small. I wore nicer clothes most of the time (collared shirts and the like). I quit soccer after two years of junior varsity because my skills weren't enough to become one of the envied varsity starters. I played piano and sang in the school choir (choir members were toward the bottom of the social chain). I come from a middle-income family. I was and still am more introverted than anything else. Most of the time, being the middle child, I was known as my sisters' younger brother or my younger brother's older brother. I didn't understand the inappropriate slang and innuendos that seemed to come from thin air when high school started. I was a strange kid. I was bullied. Maybe I was bullied for being strange. People found me an easy target to poke fun (that's still the case). I never fought back. I guess pacifism is lame. I might never understand the standards necessary to be popular back in high school and middle school.

Looking back, I'm okay with that.

I was always bothered by how much smaller I felt than these popular students. I wanted to be athletic like them or outgoing like them. I wanted to make a name for myself somewhere in the vicious jungle of secondary education. Unfortunately, sports required more athletic prowess than I was willing to provide, and my extroverted side continues to remain chained up in the recesses of my soul. 

I thought things might turn around if I joined the Speech and Debate team. On the contrary, things remained more or less the same. My participating with this team did not change my social status; however, there was definitely some sort of change. I didn't gain popularity by learning how to memorize and perform a speech in front of others, but I did earn respect from the participants of Speech and Debate. I felt called to this group of people. I gained what some people have called a "quiet confidence." I could speak in front of people and make them laugh. Sure, I was terrified as all heck, but I realized how much I could do as an introvert. Self-help writer, Susan Cain, gave a TED Talk in 2012 about the "power of introverts," and stated how necessary these people are and yet how often they are overlooked by society.  Speech was my outlet for expression. Apart from that, I liked to keep to myself during school. 

Introversion and extroversion examine how people respond to stimulation, notably social stimulation. Exposure to large groups of people for long periods of time is socially exhausting for me. If I've been invited to a group gathering, I'll occasionally say "no" for a number of reasons. Some of these being that I'm binge-watching a show and do not want my viewing interrupted. Other times, I'm sitting comfortable in bed reading a book (or writing this blog). There are also times I simply need to be alone with my thoughts, breathe a bit, and relax. Maybe extroversion was one of those standards if you wanted to be popular. 

Fast-forwarding to college, there was a noticeable difference in the atmosphere. The cliques were gone, and popularity was more difficult to gain. Knowing everyone on campus was impossible, so we were all starting over, in a sense. Much like Speech, I felt a calling to a campus ministry group. I shared their beliefs and opinions, and we all supported each other. I felt I could easily express myself there. No one was really "popular" in this group. I began to understand that "being cool" was never really important. I found myself through Speech and through ministry. I discovered the person I wanted to be and the person I could be. I found my talents on my own without anyone expecting them from me. I didn't need to be popular to know I had to power to give something to the world. I could have social anxiety but still make amazing friends.

Popularity, fame, however you spin it, may sound appealing. Some people just want to be known, but I've learned there is a beauty and power in being silent (or a bit quieter than others). You can be that person behind the scenes who makes the magic happen. Others may never know who you are, but they will wonder. You can be average and extraordinary (I think I might copyright that). So go ahead and flaunt your introversion (or perhaps not, if that makes you uncomfortable).

I'm not trying to encourage you to be a recluse. I just want you to consider the possibility that you can accomplish great feats and make a great life for yourself regardless of whether or not people take notice. If you are content with your actions in your heart and mind, the most important person you are satisfying is yourself. 

Growing Down

I had a split-second urge to run around in a rainstorm...

But I didn't...

While this urge lasted for a very short moment, I was still compelled to think about why I had that urge. Am I in need of some fresh air and exercise? Probably. Could a piece of my childhood still be trying to push through the depths of my mind and body? I don't know. To think that a twenty-some year old like me is losing touch with my childhood is not entirely surprising to many people, but why shouldn't this be surprising? Everyone born into existence has a childhood, no matter how short. Some of us remember events more clearly than others, and most of us label childhood as the time from when we are born to around 16 or 18 years, when we begin to gain more responsibilities. At that point, we reminisce with our friends about our childhood memories, as if our childhood is over.

Sure, I'm certainly not a "kid" anymore. A few more years, and my brain will be fully developed. However, there's a part of me that does not want to let go of the (albeit few) emotions I felt as a kid. I was innocent, ignorant, and imaginative. In some ways, I'm still all three of those i-words. In other ways, I'm more intelligent and involved in the world around me. I understand the worth of non-material possessions, and I know how to love and care about people and ideas. I value everything I have learned since I was young, but I don't want to stop feeling young.

Does that make sense, or do I sound like I'm having a quarter-life crisis? I like to tell myself that, despite the inevitability of growing up (at least until cryogenics is perfected), I don't have to let go of all the elements from my adolescent years. If you know me, you may notice I watch more cartoons than any other kind of TV show. I speak in funny voices around my friends. I like to reread children's novels. I drink Juicy Juice and eat Pop-Tarts for breakfast. I'm not a "kid" anymore, but I certainly do a lot of "kid" things. Maybe I'm reminded of the simplicity of all those aspects of my life back then. I could relate to certain cartoons (and I don't mean I've ever lived in a pineapple under the sea). I could be imaginative while reading The Chronicles of Narnia or Harry Potter. Life did not make much sense, but I embraced my ignorance and allowed everything to play out.

Why do we hit a certain age and suddenly decide that enough is enough, that we need to grow up and enjoy the world around us less? Of course, our bodies may not be as nimble as they once were, but why should we stop doing other things that we considered "fun?" We may not have as much time on our hands if we have jobs and start families, but doesn't everyone have an opportunity once in a while to do something fun?  We're growing up too fast, and while we occasionally take the time to appreciate the memories, we conclude that we must mature. I'm mature for my age (in my humble opinion), but I can revert on a dime. I hope people know that acting goofy every once in a while and running around in the rain is not only fun, but they can bring out a part that lay dormant within us. They can allow us to return, even briefly, to a moment free of worldly stresses and a need to be serious. A wise doctor once said, "There's no point in being grown-up if you can't be childish sometimes."

Starting Over...

"Many places I have been. Many sorrows I have seen,
But I don't regret, nor will I forget all who took that road with me."

~Billy Boyd

I'm not a writer. The mere thought of having someone read my atrocious expository essays or research papers makes me anxious. Yet, here I am, and there you are (maybe). I wanted to put into words my feelings in light of recent events in my life.

For starters, I graduated magna cum laude from university on May 14th with a Bachelor's degree in Communication Studies, minoring in Digital Media Production and Global Communication. Four surprisingly short years ultimately led me to receive a sheet of paper in a fancy frame. Trust me, I enjoyed my college experience. I just didn't realize how quickly eight semesters would soar. I'm content with my major, I did decent in all of my classes, and I've gained a great wealth of knowledge before being thrown out into the real world. The "real world," where you learn some of the greatest responsibilities. The "real world," in which I temporarily remain unemployed . The "real world," a place to begin again, to start over.

The "done-with-school-forever" feeling is sinking in ever so slowly, and the future is closer than four years ago. I am still trying to grasp these ideas. One of the biggest concerns of mine is the possibility of fading friendships. I was never "popular" in high school, but I always had a small, tight-knit group of friends. Coming to college was a new experience. No one was "popular." All of those cliques from high school were gone. Nearly everyone was forced to start fresh, which might have seemed overwhelming with the tens of thousands of students at my particular university. Somehow, I managed to find a group whom would greatly influence my life. I was introduced to a church group in my denomination. My church back home never did much in terms of youth ministry, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  During the first week of classes, the organization held a Welcome-Back barbecue, an event where I would meet some of the people to which I have become very close. All of the students involved seemed so warm and welcoming. Who would have guessed a game of corn-hole or life-size chess would reveal some of the best relationships I've ever had? Over the years, more students would become part of this group, and more bonds would form. Unfortunately, graduation is inevitable (unless you drop out), and many of these bonds have become weaker due to people moving away or severing their ties with their undergraduate friends.

This is what worries me the most. Of course I plan to invite my close friends to my wedding (if/when that ever happens); however, it's impossible to predict how many of us remain close. Some want to live and work near their alma mater. Some want to go back home. Some want to move to an entirely different part of the country (such as myself). Sure, we have Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, email, and texting, but there is still a part of those relationships that dissolves when people consider "liking" a status as keeping in touch with friends and family. I'm not a special case in this instance, but it's always in the back of my head. I think about this all the time, especially when I see people who I once labeled as my best friends going off and disconnecting from their old friends. Is this inevitable? Is this a personality thing? Do people become too busy for friends when they find full-time jobs and gain more responsibilities? I overthink a bit too much, but someone has to, right?

The future isn't set in stone, at least, not any stone we will ever get to see. I suppose the best course of action is to make the effort. If someone means a great deal to you, you will probably do anything in your power to maintain that tie. I haven't the slightest clue what will happen to me or my friends in the next 10 years, but I am positive the memories I made with them will never leave my mind and heart.

For many people, post-graduation is a time to begin anew. For me, I can start as a new, knowledgeable person. I can start a new life with a new job, new goals, and maybe eventually a new family. The decision belongs to each of us. I would suggest we always remember the people and places that have molded us into who we are at this very moment. I'm starting over, but I'm not necessarily losing what I had before.

"And though, where the road then takes me, I cannot tell.
We came all this way, but now comes the day to bid you farewell."