A Sling and a Stone

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” 

~Michael J. Fox

The first time I can remember was the first day of first grade. All of the students in my class sat in alphabetical order for lunch. I was excited because I had my brand new Toy Story 2 lunch box packed by my mom. The boy who sat next to me took one look at it and called me a girl, adding it was because I had a "girly" lunchbox. I didn't know how to react. In my short life at the time, I had never come across a bully. I was never taught how to respond or confront one. That's not usually something a kid learns about until he/she/etc. has the experience, firsthand. After that day, I came across a handful of different kinds of bullies, all the way through college. Some physically intimidating and some verbal. One boy tried picking a fight with me in seventh grade when I accidentally bumped into him while playing basketball. A group of people picked on me in junior high because of a girl I liked. Some of my classmates knew I had siblings, and decided to make my family targets of ridicule. All of these instances, and more, hit home for me. Maybe you've had similar experiences.

Some of you reading this may not consider yourself religious, but I would be surprised if you have never at least heard the mention of the story of David and Goliath. To sum up the passage, Goliath was a giant warrior (over nine feet tall) of the Philistine army who would constantly mock the Israelite army and challenge them to fight him. Everyone was terrified of Goliath, except for a teenager named David, who took down Goliath with only a sling, a single stone, and his faith. The other Israelites saw Goliath physically as a horrible monster, but David saw him as mortal and a bully. Looking back, I wish I could have been like David, who was strong and brave in heart. Of course, I'm not looking to kill anyone, but a lesson can be learned from the story.

We hear news stories occasionally about people intimidated by bullies, both online and in real life. Unfortunately, some of the victims take their own lives because they have come to the conclusion that death is an easier way to cope with the torment they endure on a weekly basis. Bullies will cause physical pain to a person or cause someone to question his/her.etc. self worth to instill fear and establish superiority. Many people are made to believe that bullies are fearless and have no weaknesses. As David discovered with Goliath, every person, regardless of size or confidence, has a weakness.

I don't mean to call out current/former bullies who might happen to be reading this. I know a few people from my past bullying experiences who have since abandoned antagonizing others and begun to understand the effect those negative actions can present. Some are quick to argue that people are incapable of change, and there were times I would have agreed. However, I have gained respect for a few recently whom I never would have tolerated years ago. Down the road, I think people start to realize intimidation does not impress or have any long-term advantages. This could explain the lack of bullies in college. While a number still exist, they don't have as much of a foundation with such a large and spread-out community.

I wouldn't be the best person to provide advice on how to deal with a bully, having quite a bit of trouble myself, but I can tell you what not to do. For one, do NOT ignore the problem. Some people assume if you ignore the bully, he/she/etc. will get bored and give up. False. If anything, this provides a challenge which encourages a bully to work harder. There is nothing wrong with going to someone for help. Most of you have a best friend or family member who cares a lot about you. Others may have a teacher or mentor of some kind. Assuming you are helpless is very dangerous thinking. There is always someone willing to help, and there is always going to be someone who cares. You just need to make the effort to find and confide in that person. "Fighting fire with fire" is not a smart tactic, as bullies tend to have an arsenal of experience. I thought my years of martial arts training as a child were supposed to protect me against bullies, but most of mine were verbal attackers (the most common). Would physically hurting and emotional aggressor make me worse in comparison?

I'm not asking for anyone's pity. I am writing this blog with the hopes of relating with some of you. I don't doubt some of these experiences sound familiar to you, and it's necessary for us to understand how much of an issue bullying is and address similar situations when we recognize them in our lives. Our friends or our children could be facing these problems, and we should to provide guidance to people. We need to help them be more like David, who saw the bully as nothing more than an average person with vulnerabilities as anyone else, and teach victims that help is always available to them.

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

“The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just like that, my year lease on my apartment ended on Sunday. It’s difficult to believe I’ve basically been responsible for myself for the past 12 months (with some financial help from my parental units). I’d become attached to that slightly tacky, humid, and dusty flat, but inevitably, the time had come for me to move on again. We all have a place we call home, whether we want to call it “home” or not. Some of us have multiples homes, but I don’t necessarily want to focus on a physical house.

There are only two houses my parents have owned that I can recall. The one I’ve lived in for 20 years of my life, and the one they moved into this past year. I never thought about how moving would affect my life, but I also never thought my parents would move out before I did. Surprisingly, the transition was not what I expected. Sure, I was afraid I would be dropped into a strange place that would never feel familiar to me. I thought I would leave so much behind, physically, that is. I assumed that feeling of “home” would dissolve. I was wrong.

I’ve written about my friends and family before, so I may repeat myself a bit. I’ve made friends and gained more family members throughout my life. Some have gone, and some have stuck around. Maybe some of you have noticed that you feel more at home when you're around the people who mean the most to you than when you are at your physical dwelling place. I feel "at home" when I'm visiting my parents, but I feel less "at home" when I go to their house and they aren't around.
When I go to visit my old haunts from my hometown or from my college town, all the sights are there, but something often seems to be missing.  I think being pulled away from what was familiar and comfortable to me and thrown into college is what took me to reevaluate the meaning of "home."

It's possible the entire world is our "home," but the places that make us feel "at home" the most in this world are where people live who give us a sense of security and contentment. The people around me are what make me feel at home. Whether we're in a rinky-dink restaurant at two in the morning or sitting on the floor watching an old film, we treat each other like a family. I've grown more as I've surrounded myself with people who care about me. I have a better sense of responsibility, and I do my best to be hospitable towards these people. My family makes me feel at home, and my friends make me feel at home. As much as both groups tend to drive me crazy, I think that's part of the reason I feel so rounded.

Home can also be a state of being for you. I often have a sense of familiarity and warmth, and I feel at ease. My mind is relaxed, and any stresses of the day seem to be kept at bay because I know all of of that can wait. I can be myself without worrying about not being accepted for my personality. All of this seems to lead back to the people who I consider part of my family.

Sure, certain places and things might seem homely to you, and there is nothing wrong with that. I enjoyed being in the comfort of my own apartment or house; however, I feel more satisfaction when I can be with the people that make these places and things more homely. I always appreciate the comfort friends and family provide to make me feel "at home." Don't ever take for granted the people who lift you up and welcome you into their own lives. 

“Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?”

― Stephanie Perkins

Phobophobia

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't.”

~Lemony Snicket

I'm afraid of spiders and centipedes.

I'm afraid of falling from high heights.

I'm afraid of failing to achieve my biggest goals.

We all have fears. Fears make us human. However, fears also make us vulnerable. That could either be good or bad. The positive side is we might be more willing to open up to people with similar fears. The negative side is we might completely shut ourselves out from others and let our fears control our lives and make us anxious and miserable.

Maybe you're one of those people who acts as though you don't fear anything. For now, I'll say "good for you." I'll also say "I don't believe you," but I'm not looking for a debate. As for me, I've had a number of fears all my life. I was afraid of the dark for the longest time, I developed a fear of heights and airplanes a few years ago, I was afraid of meaningless death (I know, that's dark), and I've been afraid of spiders almost my entire life. Some might argue these fears are irrational, and those people may be right. In addition to these concerns, I have developed more reasonable worries over the past several years, such as whether or not I will find a job, have a place to live, get married, pay off tuition bills in a decent amount of time, and the like. If you're under 16 and reading this, you're probably not dwelling on these too much. If you're over 30 years old, you've probably already gotten over these, but you understand the rationality of my apprehension.

As we get older, our fears become more logical and in-line with those around us. In some cases, people hold on to those illogical fears a bit longer. At first, fear is used as a coping mechanism for what we don't understand. Unfortunately, some people don't grow out of this fear of a lack of knowledge and remain ignorant (not unlike some political figures whose names I won't mention here). They decide to avoid and hate certain peoples and ideas simply because they choose not to understand. This is part of the reason why stereotypes and discrimination exist. I implore you to learn more about what you fear to perhaps grow more tolerant of what scares you. I'm certainly not an exception to this, but I am more than willing to educate myself and others if that could lead to an increase of respect among everyone.

Some of our fears act like a plague, affecting our health and self-esteem and having a negative impact on our day-to-day interactions. I mentioned I once had a fear of a meaningless death. Sometimes this fear would just pop up out of nowhere (like those eye floaters), and other times, it would be brought on by something I read or watched. I was scared to think that all life is so short, and some people may never get to do everything they dreamed of doing before their sand ran down. I couldn't imagine leaving the people I loved or them leaving me. Often, I would always assume I was dying when I would get more sick than usual. I once convinced myself I had appendicitis (I didn't). All of these unnecessary thoughts would cloud my mind, and I often became anxious and worried.

I know, this is starting to sound a bit depressing. I'm not certain when these thoughts were finally dissipated. When I think about them now, I'm reminded how ignorant I was being. I realize the importance of living every day to the fullest and other cliches like that. In all seriousness, there are worse things happening in the world that need my attention, and I can't waste my time worrying only about myself. Sure, I'm not going to be around forever, but I should appreciate this opportunity of life and do something important out of the time I have left, however long. Our fears are minuscule compared to the issues occurring every day that we don't know about. We may deny it, but we have the time to enlighten ourselves and others on ideas we don't understand. We can learn more about why we fear what we fear and strengthen our minds and hearts, and maybe grow less afraid.

I don't know if I will ever stop being afraid of spiders and centipedes or falling, but my life won't falter from these fears. I also won't allow my fear of failing at my goals to control me. I guess my plan is to continue my life in a way that works for me and see where that takes me. Maybe I'll help a person or two along the way to see the bigger picture and lead them to discover that fear is not physical and cannot and should not dominate us.

“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” 

~ J.K. Rowling

Pants On Fire

“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” 

~George Washington

I am a compulsive liar.

And so is the rest of the world.

Let me explain.

Remember when you first learned about the origin of Thanksgiving in elementary/primary school? We were taught about a peaceful encounter between some of the first colonists and natives that led to prosperity on both sides and a large, bountiful meal for all...Not much later than high school did we learn of the brutality of Europeans to Native Americans (and vice versa) and the so-called "feast" that supposedly never happened. Maybe you, yourself, have wondered why you were led astray as a child to believe our ancestors got along just fine and happily broke bread together.

We were taught John Hancock signed his name noticeable larger on the Declaration of Independence to make a statement, per se, and scoff King George. In reality, he signed first because he was the president of Congress and perhaps did not know how large he needed to sign the document. As kids, we were amused at Hancock's apparent audacity, which may not have existed at all.

Even in our daily lives, we heard "bread crust will make you stronger," "don't make that face or it will stick like that forever," and "too much TV will damage your eyesight." Why are we told these lies? Why do we continue to tell them to the generations after ours? 

A person could convince his/herself of a lie if he/she tried hard enough. Adults may come to believe these myths because they heard the same things growing up. Passing down these myths has created a replacement to fact.

Shame on you! Weren't you taught to never lie? Even George Washington knew that.

Okay, calm down. I didn't mean to make you upset. Maybe there is a reason for the ancient myths and spontaneous fibs. Personally, I believe lying isn't as bad as we all make it out to be. 

Hear me out. If your child told you he/she/etc. wanted to be President when they grew up, you would most likely tell them "you can be anything you want," even when the odds are extremely slim. You tell your kids this because it gives them hope and confidence. We stretch the truth to save people from disappointment. There is a possibility that one of them may become President on day. We cherish those moments when we can make someone else feel good, even if we do not reveal the entire truth. As people age, they learn in their own way how honesty is not, in certain cases, the best policy. People figure things out with their growing sense of logic and beliefs. Eventually, they end up making the same decisions as the generation before them because they realize how important it is for kids to find their own answers. Of course, there are certain lies that could harm, but in those situations, the best scenario is to treat the issue with sensitivity.

I'm not telling you lying is okay sometimes. Holding back part of the truth can spare negative emotions, but honest is still the best policy (let's say 85% of the time). Think about the way you deliver a message to a person. Consider how the information will affect them. Brutal honesty is almost never necessary and neither is a full-blown fabrication. I appreciate my parents telling me the stories I can remember from my childhood because they gave me something I could use as an explanation for what I could not understand until I could make sense of those stories on my own. They spared me from believing the world is so full of fear and negativity until I had the courage to face everything by myself. 

Lies are also told when we, ourselves, do not have all the answers. we make what we believe to be better accounts to replace historical inaccuracies. We mean to make the history of our world seem exciting and inspiring. I'll leave the ethics of these lies to professionals.

Again, I'm not telling you to lie, but the odds are, you already have...numerous times. We're only human. We can't help ourselves. Just keep in mind that maybe not all lies are bad. We keep people's best interests in mind when we hold back the whole truth, and we seek to protect those people. When your partner asks if those jeans make his/her/etc. bottom look noticeably larger, let them know how much he/she/etc. means to you.

"Mothers lie. It's in the job description."

― John Green

Work

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” 

~ Charles Lamb

I went back to work yesterday.

By "back," I mean I got in touch with a previous job that hasn't contacted me in several months to see if the company was in need of any help. Fortunately, I was asked to come in. Unfortunately, the work is only part time and isn't exactly what I planned to do after graduating. My dreams of becoming a voice over artist are currently at a standstill.

However, this does not mean my dreams are dashed. I don't expect to achieve my goals overnight. I need to find a way to work my way up the ladder, and that's what these part time/side jobs are offering me: A chance to move forward.

Growing up, the thought of "work" never appealed to me (my family can attest to that). Mowing the lawn took too much time out of my life, cleaning my room seemed pointless, getting a job when I turned 17 sounded miserable. I wouldn't doubt a good number of people would rather make a living while avoiding doing anything tedious or strenuous. At some point in our lives, we learn to tolerate - and maybe even love - work. Our first paycheck marks the milestone where we first begin to understand responsibility. From that moment, we decide to continue working because we realize we don't just need the money, we need the discipline of work. The more I worked a job, the more I respected the chores I was required to perform at home. When I went to university, being "on my own" meant I had to learn to cook for myself, clean up after myself, and care for myself. I would come home to my parents on some weekends and voluntarily wash the dishes. I don't love washing dishes, but I understand the necessity of the task. I don't love doing odd jobs or busy work, but discipline of work suggests I do these because I am driving toward something greater.

Nearly everyone starts from the bottom at an entry-level job. Months and years of work accumulate experience, and different jobs compile different experiences. My resume might suggest I have a variety of experiences but not enough of a particular knowledge. My desire to step into the broadcasting industry requires a specific set of skills I am still working to strengthen. Working a part time job gives me the chance to use my down time to continue to strengthen the aforementioned skills. I spend my extra time hosting a 2-hour radio show and DJ-ing for wedding receptions and parties. There is very little payout, but I'm learning the material at a decent pace. I constantly remind myself of what I want to do, and that drives me to do my current job.

Of course, my current job and dream job are not too similar, but I have seen opportunities strike at unexpected moments. When I worked for this company last year, I was presented an opportunity to work for a day on a movie set. Film is about half of what I want to do, and I gained a decent idea of the industry from that one day. Now that I've graduated, I have a chance to try a number of different work options and more fully commit to my goals.

My point is that you don't have to love the job you're doing. If you've made it as far as you want to go on your career path and love where you are, I'm glad to hear it. If you don't love your job or you strive to go further, let those thoughts motivate you to reach the top rung of the ladder. You can make a difference in your current position and still hope to be something more. By this stage of your life, I hope you understand the value of work and why every person needs the discipline. We are not only working for wages; we are working to better ourselves.

“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

A Letter For a Friend

“Friendship...is born at the moment when 

one man says to another "What? You too?” 

~C.S. Lewis

I found a letter the other day as I was rummaging through a pile of papers. Curious, I opened it up to find it was a recommendation letter one of my good friends wrote about me for a nomination. I received this letter well over a month ago and had intended to read it, but I was nervous to discover the contents. The paper contained two simple paragraphs, but the words my friend used were far from simple. He mentioned traits such as humbleness and motivation, stating I give "from the heart" and have a "warm approach" toward my friends and even more toward the people to whom I reach out.

I won't mention all the details to make myself seem prideful, but I honestly was not sure what to expect from this letter. Why do some of us worry what the people closest to us may say about us? Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid, which isn't anything new, but sometimes I'm uncertain whether a friend will say things to make me question my own self-perception (not in a bad way). I wouldn't say I have low self esteem, but I know I'm not perfect. I have my flaws, and unfortunately, I happen to see my flaws more than my strengths. When someone says something nice about me, I often do not know how to respond, because I'm so used to keeping myself leveled out. Part of this discomfort could be the idea that we never ask our friends to compliment us. They do this out of the kindness of their hearts. If our friends didn't want to say anything nice, they wouldn't, but some bonds are so powerful and full of meaning that those people are kind enough to remind us that we are important to them.

Some of my friends make me uncomfortable and some of them drive me insane, but I'm thankful for all of them. I realize I discuss friends a great deal in my posts, but the people I've surrounded myself with over the years are the reason why I'm the person writing this blog today. Some "friendships" I have are little more than people I've not spoken to since high school but have remained online friends. I wish some of these friendships could have transcended upon leaving my hometown for college, but maybe we are only meant to know certain people to a certain capacity. We can make the effort to hold on to those friends, but friendship is a two-way street. If a person can't give 50% for us, then maybe we need to reevaluate the value of that relationship. If you're not willing to let go of that person, help him/her/etc. to see why you would work so hard to keep him/her/etc. around. 

Sorry, this is supposed to be a lighthearted post. Your closest friends don't have to verbally express how they view you, but regardless, they will appreciate you for your non-material characteristics. They see the good in you and want to be part of that good. Don't require people to compliment you, but be gracious when you do receive a kind remark. Understand that your have so much self worth, even if you tend to capitalize on your flaws more than your strengths. Be grateful for the people around you who take the time to remind you, physically or emotionally, that you are important. Don't be afraid to open that letter. There will always be someone who cares about you.

"I am glad you are here with me. 

Here at the end of all things."

~J.R.R. Tolkien

In Light Of...

"No news is good news."

~English proverb

I'm not one for the news. I'll openly admit that about 85% of my television viewing time is spent watching cartoons and crime dramas. I also consider myself a moderate in terms of political affiliation, which helps me to avoid heated debates both online and in person. Therefore, since I'm not well-versed in current events, I would not be surprised if this post draws some flack for my lack of knowledge. Here goes...

In the past week, the entertainment world lost an amazing talent, and the worst shooting in U.S. history occurred. For some reason, many people seem to think these events require much argument regarding the laws currently in place. "Let's ban [insert object we possess rights to here]. We would have fewer tragedies if the government were smarter and more responsible." Some seem to believe the government is at fault for these events, as if officials could have predicted Orlando. Others seem to think this is a matter of individuals and their state of mind. When something bad happens, the world almost immediately turns to the media to complain and place the blame on someone else in addition to the person directly responsible. What happened to simply coming together, despite our differences, and mourning the loss of the people who were taken too soon from the world? I'm not saying we don't do that, but I am saying we don't do that enough. I was fortunate enough to have been involved in a group during college which often encouraged students to understand the severity of such situations and find a way to bond with groups of other faiths and cultures. The fact most of our world cannot seem to cooperate unless disaster strikes is terrifying. Even then, a large number rush to phones and computers to express outrage and hatred. 

People can be so quick to judge a certain group because finding fault is a faster way to find closure and be put at ease. Are we 100% certain these attacks would not have happened if the government banned firearms? Personally, I believe if someone is motivated enough and fully committed to an idea, he/she/etc. will do anything to prove a point, even if that point involves committing a crime. Laws can keep being added or changed, but lawbreakers will always exist. As much as it pains me to say it, laws were meant to be broken. Not to imply we should all go out and rob a bank, but the temptation to violate laws will continue to linger for some people. We cannot totally prepare for events we cannot predict. 

I do not want my kids growing up in a world where we respond to an act of violence with more violence. I want my children to live in a world where we celebrate differences across nations. Obviously, violence will never cease, but the way people act in light of violence could evolve to a more dignified type of response. If people share their opinions with the public without all of the necessary information, it's easy to educate them in an aggressive and arrogant manner, but there is a way to assist people and avoid being rude. From the comments I've read, people have suggested Orlando was a terror attack, not a mass shooting. Why not both? Is the type of gun entirely relevant? I don't know. Most firearms are lethal. Was this an attack specifically to send a message to the LGBTQ community? Everyone has an opinion on these questions. We need to learn to educate ourselves and others while also being sensitive to differences. We cannot change race, religion, or sexuality. We were not born to be the same as every other person. 

Some groups have tried forcing their beliefs and practices on others, as if we need more conformity. I have a fairly diverse group of friends, and I am proud of the relationships I have made. I only share my culture and religion if someone is genuinely curious. Unfortunately, some people like to judge others in order to seem superior. We all must realize the beauty in diversity. Some do not realize that many of our practices today were inspired by outside cultures. Maybe when we learn to appreciate various lifestyles, we can come to at least tolerate a world filled with new and contrasting ideas. There are countless gifts on Earth that are worth acknowledging and celebrating. Let's not tear each other down in times of grief. Let's encourage each other during times of joy, sorrow, anger, and fear and learn to trust.

"Even darkness must pass.

A new day will come.

And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer...

There’s some good in this world,...And it’s worth fighting for."

~J.R.R. Tolkien